Grief Is The Cost Of Loving Someone (2023)

Grief Is The Cost Of Loving Someone (1)Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

If you've lost a spouse, child, family member, or friend, you've discovered that few people understand the deep hurt you feel.

It’s been three and a half years since Ruth, my wife of forty years went to be with the Lord, and to be perfectly honest I’m not over it yet. I don’t mean that I’m wallowing in sorrow but I am still grieving. It’s not as bad as it was for the first year or so but I admit that I’m still grieving. I don’t have periods of weeping or moping around but there are times that I just say “wow I really miss you Ruth” or “I wish Ruth was here to help me with this decision”. There are times, and it happens frequently, when I’ll be driving down the street perhaps in a area that I haven’t visited in an long time, I’ll pass a building, or corner or for no reason at all I’ll think Ruth and I passed here, or we went here and I’ll smile. There are times that I see, as clear as day, the first time that we met. I even remember what she was wearing, I can’t remember what I had on but I remember what she was wearing.

God blessed us to be able to live in every corner of the country but the northeast, so we had friends all over the country. Although every day wasn’t rosie, in fact some were pretty dark, I’ll remember, as clear as day, the good times that we had in San Jose, Sunnyvale, Burlingame, Northridge, or Los Angeles twice, Oklahoma City, Orlando, or Atlanta. I have so many wonderful memories that I could have a new one everyday and not repeat one of them for the next twenty years.

I have good friends that have just started the grieving process because of the sudden and tragic loss of a loved one. We all grieve differently and now that I’ve been in the grief process for over three years I would never try to advise anybody of how to grieve. That’s why I found this devotion from fathgateway.com so helpful. The authors Bill Dunn and Kathy Leonard don’t try to tell you how to grieve they tell us about the one who goes through our grief with us.

This post is for me, my friends, and anyone else going through a season of grief.

Grief Is The Cost Of Loving Someone (2)

Season of Grief, Journey of Faith
by Bill Dunn and Kathy Leonard, from Through a Season of Grief

Understanding Your Grief

(Video) Grief Counseling: Grief the Price of Love

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. — Isaiah 40:31

Grief is not an enemy or a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being human.

Grief is the cost of loving someone.

Since grief comes to everyone, why do some people seem to work through it better than others?

“Some people think that going through the losses or crises of life are the exceptional times,” says Dr. H. Norman Wright.

“I see it differently. I see the times of calm as the exceptions. Life really is going through one loss after another, one crisis after another. Instead of avoiding talking about these times, let’s do our homework. When you know what to expect, you’re not thrown by them as much, and you’re going to be better able to recover.”

Lord God, teach me to embrace my grief and not fight it, so that I may experience the true healing that comes from You.

Grief Is a Unique Experience

O LORD, You have examined my heart and know everything about me… Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex… You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. — Psalm 139:1,14,16 (NLT)

You may feel it is useless to talk about your grief because no one truly understands what you are going through.

“You sometimes feel after an experience like this that you’re talking a foreign language,” says Dora, whose daughter died. “You feel like there’s no way anybody can know what you’re feeling. There is absolutely no way anyone can know the depth of your pain. So you feel like it’s futile to talk about it because words can’t express the pain.”

(Video) Grief is not the price we pay for love; grief is the price we pay for attachment.

Although countless people have experienced grief before you, each person’s response to grief is different. Your path of grief will be uniquely your own.

Be encouraged that regardless of how your grief appears to you or others, it has a precious uniqueness to the One who created you.

God, who knows intimately your personality, your relationships, and the experiences of your life, knows your grief and isn’t shocked or surprised by your responses.

Father, thank You that my way of grieving is distinctly my own, reflective of all You have sovereignly created me to be and experience.

Grief Runs Deep: Where Is the Hope?

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD. — Psalm 31:24

Dr. Joseph Stowell says, “Even though your heart is breaking and tears are clouding your eyes and staining your cheeks, God does give us something worth trusting in tough times. And that’s Him, and Him alone.”

When your heart is breaking, you can place your hope and trust in the Lord.

Anne Graham Lotz defines hope: “Biblical hope is absolute confidence in something you haven’t seen or received yet, but you’re absolutely confident that whatever God has said is going to come to pass.”

She also declares that “Jesus is your hope for the future. One day Jesus Christ will come back, and He will set all of the wrong right. Good will triumph over the bad. Love will triumph over hate. Righteousness will triumph over evil. He’s going to make it all right, and you can have absolute confidence that that’s going to take place. That’s your hope.”

Sovereign God, I choose hope. I choose faith. I choose life. Give me an unshakable faith in You.

(Video) "Grief is the price we pay for love" | Sermons from the Pulpit of Saint Thomas

Grief Is The Cost Of Loving Someone (3)

Grief Lasts Longer Than Expected

Grief ’s unexpected turns will throw you again and again. You may feel that for every step forward, you take at least one step back.

The grieving process generally takes longer than you ever imagined. Please don’t rush this process. Remember, what you are feeling is not only normal, it is necessary.

“It’s been seven years, and I’m still going through it,” says Dr. Larry Crabb, whose brother died in a plane crash. “I don’t know if it’s a very holy thing to admit, but when someone says, ‘Well, it’s been a week, a month, a year — Larry, for you it’s been seven years. Get a grip. Where’s your faith in Christ, for goodness’ sake?’ I get really angry.

“Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there’s going to be an ache that won’t quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain.”

We read in the Psalms that David grew weary with the process of grief and cried out to the Lord. Then he left the timing in God’s hands.

Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of Your unfailing love. — Psalm 6:2-4

I am weary with my sighing; Every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief. — Psalm 6:6-7

Heavenly God, I cannot even begin to put my grief in a time frame. Thank You that I don’t have to. Comfort me and support me as I lean on You.

(Video) Hm Queen Elizabeth ii "Grief is a price we pay for love"

He Will Carry You

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to You, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. — Psalm 61:1-3

The Lord will carry you if you ask Him. When you are feeling so weak you cannot take another step, ask Him to lift you high into His loving arms. Then rest in Him with an open and listening heart. This does not mean your problems will disappear, but it does mean you will have Someone to share them with.

“If you are someone who does not know Jesus Christ as your Savior and you have just been widowed or bereaved, you have a tremendous burden,” says Elisabeth Elliot. “You are tired, and it is too big a burden to carry. The Lord says, ‘Come to Me, you who are tired and over-burdened, and I will give you rest.’”

To receive peace and rest in Christ, the instructions are clear. Jesus says, “Come to Me.” You must first approach Him and then talk to Him and quietly listen.

Lord, I come to You. My heart is worn out, and I need You. Take my heavy burden today. Amen.

Grief Is The Cost Of Loving Someone (4)

If you've lost a spouse, child, family member, or friend, you've discovered that few people understand the deep hurt you feel. Where do you turn for daily comfort and help? Where do you find the tools to move forward? Through a Season of Grief is the first 365-day devotional designed to support and uplift you in the first, most difficult year of bereavement. These devotions offer biblical comfort and practical teaching that will enable you to take steps forward each day toward healing. You will better understand the grieving process and will receive needed encouragement along the way. More than thirty respected Christian professionals – including Kay Arthur, Jack Hayford, Elisabeth Elliot, Norman Wright, Barbara Johnson, and Luis Palau – share their insights on how to walk through the devastation of grief toward wholeness and hope. You will also hear from people like you who have lost a loved one and have found God's healing presence in the midst of despair. This unique devotional is based on GriefShare®, a national grief recovery support group program that has helped more than 100,000 families. "Grief is likely the most difficult journey you will ever take. We pray that these devotions will provide you with instruction, wisdom, hope, and healing as you face grief moment by moment and day by day." — Bill and Kathy, authors

This blog is for you! If you have any questions or topics you would like me to address please use the comments section or email me at donald@donjake-strategicadviser.com

(Video) She Has Passed! Grief Is The Price We Pay For Love

FAQs

Is grief the price we pay for love? ›

President Joe Biden quoted the late Queen Elizabeth II in a speech Sunday remembering the victims of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. “Grief is the price we pay for love,” Biden said, referring to a message sent by the monarch, who died last week, after the attacks that killed almost 3,000 people.

Is grief a form of love? ›

Perhaps the most painful kind of love is called grief, which happens when the object of a person's love is taken away with no hope for return. Grief is love and the confusion caused by not knowing how to love someone who is gone. Grief is love's frustration, bitterness, anger, and resentment at death's destruction.

Is grief the final act of love? ›

Grief is the last act of love we give to our loved one. Where there is deep grief there is great love. Grief is a great rite of passage, it is a hero's journey of courage, of sacred battles, sorrow, love, joy and loss. Through the darkness of grief we can see the light of love which transcends death.

What is the saying about grief and love? ›

"The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief - But the pain of grief isonly a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love."

Who said grief is the price of love? ›

The Queen. “Grief is the price we pay for love.” The Queen delivered these words as part of a condolence message she sent to the families of the 250 British victims of the 9/11 terrorist attack. The words themselves are adapted from a passage written by Dr Colin Murray Parkes, a psychiatrist at St.

Who said grief never ends but changes? ›

Quote by Donna VanLiere: “Grief never ends … But it changes.

Can you have grief without love? ›

No set definition of grief

Some people will say grief just applies to losing someone you love, others say it applies to losing anyone. It doesn't just consist of sadness; grief can include any emotion, from anger, confusion or even relief.

Does grief change you forever? ›

Profound grief can change a person's psychology and personality forever. The initial changes that occur immediately after suffering a significant loss may go unnoticed for several weeks or months after the death of a loved one or other traumatic experience.

What is the gift of grief? ›

The Gift of Grief is for those who are navigating a loss and are wanting to understand grief and how to heal from a variety of losses. The book helps the reader understand grief, death, and dying and other everyday life events that can cause us to grieve.

What grief does to your brain? ›

Your brain is on overload with thoughts of grief, sadness, loneliness and many other feelings. Grief Brain affects your memory, concentration, and cognition. Your brain is focused on the feelings and symptoms of grief which leaves little room for your everyday tasks. and recognize it as a step towards healing.

How long is the mourning process? ›

It can last anywhere from a few hours to days or weeks. The feelings experienced in the first stage of grief may be fear, shock, or numbness. The person may be have pangs of distress, often triggered by reminders of the deceased. During this time, the bereaved person may feel emotionally “shut off” from the world.

Where there is deep grief there was great love quote? ›

"Grief is the last act of love we can give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love."

What does the Bible say about grief? ›

Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you. God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. The righteous man perishes, and no one lays it to heart; devout men are taken away, while no one understands.

What is grief but love everlasting? ›

First, where does this quote appear? The origin of “But what is grief if not love persevering?” comes from the penultimate episode of WandaVision. In this episode, the main character Wanda takes a trip through her past with an AI guide. Wanda revisits the trauma of her past, exploring different forms of loss.

Why do people isolate when grieving? ›

At times, grieving individuals often find themselves intentionally self isolating. The choice may be made for a variety of reasons such as the fear of breaking down in public, the realization that many previously enjoyed activities don't seem as important anymore or the sense that others don't understand.

Do not say in grief you are sorry he is gone? ›

Ted Kennedy quote: Never say in grief you are sorry he's gone.

Who said death leaves a heartache no one can heal love leaves a memory no one can steal? ›

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Which is more painful breakup or death? ›

Society says, “Death is worse than a breakup.” “At least they're still alive.” I say, “Death is different than a breakup. They both hurt like hell in totally different ways. Them still being alive just gives us new things to grieve.”

How do I live without a loved one? ›

Advertisement
  1. Surrender: As long as you fight the feelings or the reality that your loved one is gone, the longer you will feel pain. ...
  2. Know that you don't have to 'get over it. ...
  3. Lean on people who care about you. ...
  4. Take care of yourself. ...
  5. When the grief pops up, let it! ...
  6. Find your joy.
17 Feb 2012

What do you do when the love of your life dies? ›

But here's how to cope with death, heal, and move on from your grief.
  1. Take a good, long break from love. ...
  2. Seek the support of your partner's friends and family. ...
  3. Remember that they want you to move on. ...
  4. It's okay to carry them in your heart forever. ...
  5. Don't compare every new partner to your lost love.
13 Jul 2018

What is the most difficult death to recover from? ›

DEATH OF A SPOUSE *
  • The death of a husband or wife is well recognized as an emotionally devastating event, being ranked on life event scales as the most stressful of all possible losses. ...
  • There are two distinct aspects to marital partnerships.

How grief changes your personality? ›

personality changes like being more irritable, less patient, or no longer having the tolerance for other people's “small” problems. forgetfulness, trouble concentrating and focusing. becoming more isolated, either by choice or circumstances. feeling like an outcast.

What is widow brain? ›

Widow Brain is a term used to describe the fogginess and disconnect that can set in after the death of a spouse. This feeling is thought to be a coping mechanism, where the brain attempts to shield itself from the pain of a significant trauma or loss.

What is the difference between mourning and grieving? ›

➢ Grief is what we think and feel on the inside when someone we love dies. Examples include fear, loneliness, panic, pain, yearning, anxiety, emptiness etc. ➢ It is the internal meaning given to the experience of loss. ➢ Mourning is the outward expression of our grief; it is the expression of one's grief.

What to say to someone who lost a family member? ›

What to say to someone who has been bereaved
  • Say how sorry you are. ...
  • Share a memory. ...
  • Offer them space to talk. ...
  • Tell them however they feel is OK. ...
  • Recognise how hard it is for them. ...
  • Ask if there is anything they need. ...
  • Tell them you're thinking of them. ...
  • Sometimes you don't need to say anything.

What can you do for someone who lost their husband? ›

Here are some tasteful ideas to get you started.
  • Plants. People often send flowers to express their sympathies. ...
  • Gift Baskets. This isn't just us being biased. ...
  • A Meal. If you live close enough to the widowed, you can skip a basket and make a meal instead. ...
  • Special Photo. ...
  • Jewelry. ...
  • Tree. ...
  • Journal & Pen. ...
  • Charity.
29 Aug 2022

What is Queen Elizabeth's famous quote? ›

Grief is the price we pay for love. I declare before you all that my whole life, whether it be long or short, shall be devoted to your service and the service of our great imperial family to which we all belong. I cannot lead you into battle.

Where there is deep grief there was great love quote? ›

"Grief is the last act of love we can give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love."

What is meant by loving someone to death? ›

Definition. Idiom: love someone to death. to care for someone (something) very strongly.

What is grief but love persevering? ›

The origin of “But what is grief if not love persevering?” comes from the penultimate episode of WandaVision. In this episode, the main character Wanda takes a trip through her past with an AI guide. Wanda revisits the trauma of her past, exploring different forms of loss.

What was the queen's motto? ›

The shield is supported by the English lion on the left and Scottish unicorn on the right and is surmounted by the Royal crown. Below it appears the motto of the Sovereign, Dieu et mon droit ('God and my right').

Will Camilla be queen? ›

Camilla is now Queen Consort, a title which Queen Elizabeth II confirmed that the former Duchess of Cornwall would take on in an announcement ahead of the Platinum Jubilee (opens in new tab) celebrations.

Why do people isolate when grieving? ›

At times, grieving individuals often find themselves intentionally self isolating. The choice may be made for a variety of reasons such as the fear of breaking down in public, the realization that many previously enjoyed activities don't seem as important anymore or the sense that others don't understand.

What do you say to someone in deep grief? ›

What to say to someone who has been bereaved
  • Say how sorry you are. ...
  • Share a memory. ...
  • Offer them space to talk. ...
  • Tell them however they feel is OK. ...
  • Recognise how hard it is for them. ...
  • Ask if there is anything they need. ...
  • Tell them you're thinking of them. ...
  • Sometimes you don't need to say anything.

What do you say to a grieving heart? ›

Comforting Words to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving the Loss of a Spouse
  • "I'm so sorry."
  • "I'm here for you."
  • "I don't know what to say."
  • "I love you."
  • "I'm sorry for your loss."
  • "My condolences."
  • "I'm listening."
  • "I'm very sorry you are going through this."
19 Feb 2018

Where did love you to death come from? ›

Love You to Death is a 2019 crime drama film that aired on Lifetime. The film is inspired by the murder of Dee Dee Blanchard and stars Marcia Gay Harden, Emily Skeggs, Brennan Keel Cook, Garfield Wilson, Kayla Deorksen, Heather Doerksen, and Tate Donovan.

What is the meaning of undying love? ›

adjective [usually ADJECTIVE noun] If you refer to someone's undying feelings, you mean that the feelings are very strong and are unlikely to change.

Who said love is the death of duty? ›

In response, Jon bitterly quotes Maester Aemon from years ago: "Love is the death of duty." It's a quote that was told to Jon long ago, explaining why the Night's Watch are forbidden from having lovers or families: because their duty must come first, but love always ends up overriding one's duty.

What is grief if not in love? ›

I've never experienced loss because I've never had a loved one to lose. What is grief, if not love persevering? And that's the line: "What is grief, if not love persevering?" It comes after seven episodes in which WandaVision has slowly revealed what is working behind the scenes of this meta sitcom superhero story.

What is grief Wanda? ›

Wanda has fashioned this entire television-inspired reality in the town of Westview as a response to trauma, and isn't even fully aware she has done so. Schaeffer structured the series to conform to the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross model of stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

What is grief if not love persevering movie quote? ›

“I've always been alone, so I don't feel the lack. It's all I've ever known, I've never experienced loss because I have never had a loved one to lose. But what is grief, if not love persevering?”

Videos

1. Grief is the price we pay for Love ~ a sad slowed down playlist
(JusGud4Nw)
2. 'Grief is the price we pay for love': Queen's most memorable quotes
(dfg dgdf)
3. GRIEF IS THE PRICE WE PAY FOR LOVE ( QUEEN ELIZABETH II )
(Octovus)
4. "Grief is the price you pay for love."
(The Good Grief Journey)
5. Grief Is the Price We Pay For Love: Bishop Lee's Good Friday Message
(Episcopal Diocese of Chicago)
6. Grief is the price we pay for love
(professor tim wilson)
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